July 4th, 2007

Time: 12:56 am

My jaw is all snappy.

comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment

May 17th, 2007

Current Music: Keshia Chante? Maybe? Radio Crap Current Location: My bedroom Subject: Jumbled Thoughts Time: 08:07 pm Current Mood: listless

If Sheyland ever becomes a supervisor/key holder, whatever the fuck they're called, I am quitting. Jugo Juice is hiring. I hope I will be one of the hirees. I finally got my license. Now we can fuck off to Mexico. I'm terrified for the summer to end, and to start at Mount A, to have Luke move away, to be alone for another two years. What if he finds someone else? What if I acutally cannot act? My credit card is maxed. I need a second job. rawr. I am ashamed of myself. I am frustrated with the joke that is "management" at Starbucks. It's sad when I almost have to fight to get more than one day off within a two-week period, even though that's like, illegal and all. I want to do something at least partially exciting and or amusing tonight. I am so bored.

comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment

April 30th, 2007

Current Music: Nada Time: 12:21 am Current Mood: restless

Dear World, I haven't been letting you know what is going on in my life lately. So since it is 12:30 in the am, and I (surprise) cannot sleep, I think I just might do so. Basically, I am back in the Moncdot until the end of time, for those who may not have known. Lots of shit went down in Fredericton, and I am just not happy there like I was. The irony is that Luke is still moving there, provided he gets in to the Centre for Arts. (The evil, horrible gf in me is still hoping he doesn't.. yes, I am terrible). I'm not sure what is really going on with us right now, but we seem to be making it through life together, as hard as it has been. I'm starting at Mount Allison in September, and I'm quite excited about it. Even though it will be completely useless to me in the future, I'm planning on majoring in the Drama programme there, so I will at least be doing something of interest to me. Then, when I'm finished with my B.A, I'll eventually get my Business Degree and try to open my own cafe. (Hopefully here in Moncton) I am also considering pursuing the whole acting degree thing at UBC or York or some other hoity toity place like that, once I get my BA. I'm not mentally stable enough to do it right now, but I think i would like to try living in the Western part of Canada for a couple of years, just to say that I did. This is provided I can actually get into one of those schools with my abilities, haha. We'll see though, lots of things can happen in 2 years time. Basically, I think about my future alot now. I lie awake at night, wondering what the hell is going to happen with me and my "dreams". Since I started working at Starbucks, I just keep thinking about how much I enjoy the whole cafe deal. I know I'm not getting the exact same experience that I would in a different setting, but the longer I work there, the more I feel that despite my lack of taste for coffee, this seems to be the right kind of industry for me. Speaking of Starbucks, yes I did end up giving into the corporatewhoreness of it all. Despite the lack of real, talented management here in Moncton, I am enjoying it in spite of myself. Personally, I miss the one in Fredericton like nothing else, but I accept that I can't get back what I had, and I have to move forward with what is in front of me right now. There is really only one person at the Bux that I absolutely cannot stand working with, but if things go well, we won't ever really be working together too often. I think this may work out for very well for me, but keep your fingers crossed just in case. I have so many great things I want to plan for this summer, with so many wonderful people. I think I have found, for the most part, the right niche of friends that I need to have to get myself on a good track. I am knocking on wood though, just because of the dramatic tendencies that my group of friends can't seem to get away from. But despite all that, I am happier here with them than the friends I thought I had in Fredericton. I'm basically only staying in contact with 2 of my STU girls, and while that makes me incredibly unhappy, since I honestly have no idea what the hell went wrong up there, part of me could care less. I know now which ones actually care about me, and for them I am eternally grateful. Ok, that's it. even I am bored with myself right now. I give up.

comments: Leave a comment

January 9th, 2007

Current Music: World Wide Suicide- Pearl Jam Subject: Rumbling ramblings Time: 07:26 pm Current Mood: pensive

There's been some controversy floating around my residence lately. Well, controversy may not be the best word to describe it- playing a guessing game, maybe? Allie's room-mate is apparently a lesbian- or so she and her "girlfriend" are attempting to make Allie think. I admit that the way they were telling her is very much sketch. Who says "No, seriously, we're together, do you want us to make out?" in an attempt to convince someone of their sexuality? It's just.. odd. Grade 7, much? Sarah may or may not be gay- it's one of those things that wouldn't surprise me to know, but honestly, it's her business. I'm not really interested in knowing whether she is or not. It's not really our place to discuss it, seeing as none of us are really "friends" with her. (I may sound a bit hypocritcal discussing it here, but hey, nobody on my LJ knows who the hell I'm talking about. And I need to get this out somewhere.) The thing is, is that whenever anybody brings up, what bothers me the most is that everyone needs to reassure us all "not that it MATTERS, you know, she's still cool" or "It's alright with me, honestly, she's been an aewsome roommate, I don't really CARE". Obviously you DO care, and clearly it DOES matter what her sexuality is. I'm surprised by the reactions of the girls here; I always thought they were very much open-minded people. Some are quite naive, but for the most part, I figured they were accepting. Apparently I was wrong. I notcie the subtle changes in mannerisms and expressions when someone is around that is gay. Mostly among the lesbians, not so much for the gay men, but the women. I've heard many comments of "I don't care that she's a lesbian, because she's my friend, but if she hit on me, then dude.." Who cares if a girl hit on you? You should have the same reaction that you do when a guy hits on you... If you don't want the attention, you tell them as much. Maybe I'm more tolerant than alot of people here. I'd be flattered at the attentions of a woman just as much as I was a man- I love getting hit on, it makes me feel AWESOME about myself. I am an attention-whore no matter where it comes from. It's so strange and conservative here in Fredericton. I even have many moments I'm ashamed of; I find myself feeling the need to be like "Haha, jeeze, I have to stop being such a lesbian" when me and my friends are joking around about things. It's odd when I'm so comfortable around friends back home- boob fondlage, ass-grabbing, etc., and up here all that is just "so, so WRONG". Jokes with each other, comments like "you look really hot, you're so hot, i would tap you" are alright as long as you don't cross this invisible line. I hug my friends here very few times, only when we're leaving/coming back for breaks, or when someones upset. I feel really close to my closest friends up here, but if I ever talk about some of my exploits from back home.. I feel so awkward. They look awkward. I mean, you don't always talk about how you make out with girls when you're drunk. I do it, I'm not proud of the fact that it only seems to happen when I'm drunk. I hate people thinking I'm like every other drunk party girl "trying to be cool". I've had to explain the Erin situation to people, some other moments with Ven, for a reason. I don't bring them up to be cool. They have come up when explaining situations about Luke and Erin, when I'm having problems I need to talk about. I just don't think they would understand me on the topic of my feelings of the same sex. I would never call myself a lesbian, and I don't even think I could call myself bisexual really. I like girls; I thnk they are gorgeous. I would rather look at a naked girl than a naked guy (depending on how sexilicious his muscles were, hurhur), I find the body just more appealing. I don't know why. The best kiss I've ever had came from a girl. I've had crushes on girls. Like, real crushes. But I like the peen. Love, in fact. Even though they look like mini darth vaders. And I accept that. I think I COULD fall in love with a girl, just like I've fallen in love with two boys, because you can never really know who your strongest feelings will be for. But it hasn't happened yet, and I don't think I can call myself anything other than straight really, because I don't feel that I have had the experience to call myself otherwise. I feel comfortable talking about this here. I know it's pretty public to do, but I know the people who are reading this journal, if they ACTUALLY read it. And they are people that I feel comfortable knowing what I've just said. I don't think I could ever tell this to Becks, or Linds, or Jenna. I can already see the reactions that they would have. I just don't think they would "get it". I'm not even sure I understand it myself, really. I find my feelings to be quite...confusing. But I'm in a place where I don't really need to make them unconfusing. I'm in a good relationship with a boy I luurve. I just hate that there are things I can't explain to my best friends because I kind of feel that they won't accept me the way they do now. Not that I think that the change would be enormous, but I know it would be there. Ahhhh it feels so could to get my heead clear of all these thoughts. It makes me happy just to be writing something again, even if it ws just a pointless ramble. I think the pills are starting to work, and I'm actually feeling right with myself now. Not happy, but just right. It feels pretty damn good.

comments: 9 comments or Leave a comment

January 1st, 2007

Subject: Love is... Time: 04:01 pm

comfort silence speaking through your heartbeats

comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment

October 14th, 2006

Current Music: Infected- Bad Religion Subject: This is just a punk rock song.. Time: 03:34 am Current Mood: sleepy

We need to take a moment for the fact that I spent over 200$ today.. and nothing I bought was black. Red, green, purple, blue, grey and brown, but no black. What was that? Hell freezing over? Yes, I think I heard it too... Currently, since everyone cares, I am sporting Betty Boop pjs, a skulled headband and a purple scarf-thing. Which is big and blanket-like when I want it to be, and cute and scarf like for those other times. And my hair is purple. Kinda. So, seeing as I never update.. I'm back at STU for "Vanier Hall Gong-Show: MACH 2." It's pretty quiet here these days, all the noisy (read: fun) people have moved out. But I kind of enjoy the quiet, especially on weekend mornings. Play rehearsals have been going alright. I haven't really grown attached to the play, my character, or anybody in the cast. Although I did have an interesting albeit strange conversation with three other girls outside the theater about nipple pierecings, the ups and downs. Odd, oui. I'm officially addicted to Facebook and Myspace. They appear to have become the new Livejournal for me. I am checking myself into rehab any day now. Also, I have downloaded the entire Sailor Moon Manga Series, and am still in the process of downloading the cartoon. Expect me to buy cat ears soon, to start saying "CHAN! ^__^" and call everyone "San" after their name. University sure has made me allll grown up.

comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment

August 28th, 2006

Current Music: Love Like Winter- AFI Subject: Buahaha Time: 11:57 am Current Mood: bouncy

( Quiz.. stoled from teh Jenn )

comments: Leave a comment

August 19th, 2006

Current Music: AFI- Kiss and Control Current Location: Home Subject: Almost done! Time: 11:30 pm Current Mood: busy

Seeing as this appears to be an update fest... I realized today,. as I was about to tell Luke he should have another "end of summer/going away" party, that it would have to be this coming weekend. I leave in a week and a half. I can't believe it. It took soo long for this particular week to get here, and now I have so much to do, I want it to be slow. So anyways, point is, next weekend/early next week, there shall be a shin-dig. And you should all be shinning and digging at it. Went into D-Tox today, and the shirt that I really really REALLY wanted is no longer there. :( Boo. That makes me very unhappy in the pants department. So I guess I will be buying a corset there after all, no matter how shitty quality may or may not be. Next Saturday, also, big shopping-beach-dinner-snakes on a mutherfucking plane-fest. Hoping to get to the beach one last time, then get some school clothe shopping done, hav dinner at Mike's, and go see Snakes On A Plane. Because all of that is extremely bad-ass, especially all in one day. That is all. Because I'm a pussy and the thunder and lightning is scaring the piss outta me.

comments: Leave a comment

July 24th, 2006

Current Location: Bruised- Jack's Mannequin Subject: The weight of the world... Time: 04:51 pm Current Mood: scared

I've figured out what the scariest moment of someone's life is: I know what I want to do with the rest of my life. It is fucking frightening. How did this come about, you ask? Jessica Danielle Whalen, who changes her mind every two seconds? Well, I was sitting with Erin In Cafe Felix last night, discussing the interior, when she turned to me and said "You know, we could totally do this." And it hit me. I could. This is something I could see myself doing. opening my own little cafe and/or bookstore. Which caused me to nearly take a panic attack. I have a plan. I have a goal. I'm so fucking scared. But at the same time, I'm so happy. I have something to work towards. And I know its going to be pretty damn hard to get something like that up and running, but I'm kinda excited about that too. Then I will feel that I've acutally accomplished something. An almost even scarier moment? My mother supports it. I asked her what she thought I should do; finish out my 4 years at STU and then go to NBCC to take business, or just finish my second year and go to college after that. So for now, I'm finishing out my BA. I mean, the only harm it can do is the money I'll owe, but who doesn't start out their career with a 50K+ debt? Not many people nowadays. I can't believe it. Honestly. And I can seriously say this isn't something that I'll easily give up. Wow. I'm a grown-up. ..shit.

comments: Leave a comment

July 18th, 2006

Current Music: All Hail The HeartBreaker- The Spill Canvas Subject: Music Rant/Ramble type thing Time: 02:27 pm Current Mood: contemplative

I'm not really sure if this classifies as a rant, but whatever.  I was just chillin, listening to my playlist play like, the same 5 songs over and over like it does for some unknown reason, and once it finally played a new song, it came up with some of the new Billy Talent that I stuck on there. And I was thinking to myself that I really really really love this band. Like, they fly so far under the radar it seems, and nobody with real taste actually APPRECIATES their music. I mean, we have the teeny-boppers who hear it and go "Oh, he's screaming, this must be hardcore punk rawkzorz" but they're actually way better than that. Their sound is fairly original. At least, it was when they first hit mainstream. You didn't hear a band like that on the radio very often.  Which then lead me to think about how kick-ass I've heard their shows are, and how much I would kill to see them.  And then THAT lead to me thinking about other bands I'd love to see live. I'd go see Nickleback again in a heartbeat, not because I'm particularily fond of their music anymore, but that was one of the best live concerts I've ever seen. Three Days Grace, I'd murder a hobo to see them again. When they play their music live, it is wicked awesome. Even though the video for "Animal I have Become" makes me want to hurt things, I love their music, and their new album is fucking pro. I guess my music taste is changing.. It's going a little more emo-ish?, or something along those lines. I'm currently in love with the Spill Canvas and Jack's Mannequin. Sound isn't too original but I find they do what they do well. AFI is quickly becoming one of my faves, even though I pretty much avoided their music like the plague before. I hate to say it, but "Miss Murder" is the reason for that one. Plus the fact that the lead singer is sometimes of indeterminate sex, hahahaha. And Panic! At the Disco makes me incredibly happy.   I just wish that liking those bands didn't come with all the rest of the fan-teens. The ones who will cause me to avoid any shows I might be able to get to, because of their attitudes and the way people who like that music have become labelled. Which, yes, labels are ridiculous in the first place. I mean, it sucks that liking those bands will immediately place myself into some sort of group of people that I despise. And the reason it bothers me are the ones who ruin the music for the rest of us who honestly appreciate the sound. Sometimes I hate telling people what bands I like, because they then automatically assume I am one type of person. Maybe I sound hypocritical or something, and I know I care too much about what people think, but it just angers me. I want to like what I like without annoying people going "Ooer you're trying to be so Punk Rock or so Emo or so Indie". I'm NOT. I'm trying to like what I like. And yes, I like punk. I do, ashamedly, enjoy some "emo" music. And it's always fun knowing about some obscure, really good Indie band that you can introduce people to.  Somehow, though, I'm not allowed to enjoy all of those genres. I'm not "allowed" to like to hear some good, raunchy R&B or disgustingly candy-coated pop song once in awhile. For some reason, people frown on a broad enjoyment of music. I'll admit, I often wonder how people can stand to listen to country all the time, but once in a while there's a catchy song that i just can't get out of my head. Shit happens. It doesn't mean I'm not true to what I really enjoy, and I do enjoy the "harder" sounds. But sometimes, you're just not in the mood.  I guess I'll just never be the hardcore punk rocker I really want to be. (/sarcasm) But that shouldn't mean I can't enjoy their music, and go to my NOFX concert in August.  However, I will NEVER like Fall Out Boy, Simple Plan, HIM or CKY. That's just going too far. I don't understand the hype that surrounds them, and never will. And I will also never respect anyone who thinks any of them are "hardcore". You want to like, them, like them, but Fall Out Boy and SImple Plan are about as hardcore punk rock as a kitten in little kitty booties. Ok I'm done with that shit.

comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment

June 27th, 2006

Current Music: La Vie Boheme Subject: Dearly beloved, we gather here... Time: 01:33 pm Current Mood: crazy

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com LMAO.

comments: Leave a comment

June 22nd, 2006

Current Music: Something angry Subject: JKASHDSJHD Time: 12:53 am Current Mood: pissed off

My day went horribly, horribly wrong, and not at all the way I had planned it. Moncton Hospital Emerg fucked up my life in the following ways: -I missed out on hanging with Meggy, Adam and Luke. -I didn't get to go to Victoria Park for prom pictures. -I am not at Ven's party. Because I am exhausted, and missed out on a ride. I . hate. everything. I waited 10 FUCKING HOURS for absolutely shit all. And the best part? the only reason I actually got to see a doctor is because at hour 9, I took off the fucking gay hospital gown, put on my clothes, gathered my things and walked to the nurses station to inform them that I was leaving. Whereupon the nurse grabbed my case file, went "You've been here since 12 and nobodys seen you?!?! Surely we can bump you up" which prompted the doctor sitting next to her to take pity and tell me that she would see me next. Fuckers. The doctor was super nice. but still. I hate them all.

comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment

June 11th, 2006

Current Music: Tori Amos- A Sorta Fairytale/Unwritten-Natasha Bedingfield Subject: Life... Time: 10:46 pm Current Mood: busy

Changing is hard. Trying to be happy is a difficult task to undertake. but I'm trying. I don't think I'm quite getting there, but I'm trying my damndest. The boyflesh and I are.. kinda trying things again, I think. Seeing where things can go from here. We're both changing; growing up I guess. It's already felt different for a few weeks now. And that's good, what we both needed. Let's see where the summer can take us. Optimism is slowly becoming a word in my vocabulary. Although it tends to dropkick me in the face once in awhile to remind me not to rely on it. I like to say dropkick. As much as I feel so cliche, listening to "Unwritten", I can relate to it right now. It kind of speaks how my brain and body are both feeling right now. Except without the peppy music. The meaning behind it is what gets my thoughts going. Summer has barely begun and I want it to be over. Me and Adam have a date at Navigator's for next week. I can't wait.

comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment

June 5th, 2006

Current Music: Bon Jovi Current Location: Home on the range Time: 01:11 pm Current Mood: disappointed

I need to find another job whilst things are slow in hell. *puke* Hopefully I can find one that won't make me want to cut myself.

comments: Leave a comment

May 31st, 2006

Current Music: Not ready to make nice- Dixie Chicks Subject: They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting Time: 12:47 pm Current Mood: Whiff

My LJ looks lonely so I'm goint to take off its pants write a short entry. To sum up my life in the past few weeks: Life is boring, Moncdot is lame, work is ridonkulous, me and luke broke up again, my hair is red and I turn 19 tommorrow. SWEET. I'm going to see X-Men 3 with Lukeyface and possibly A-Stro on Friday and I positively cannot wait, because I am a huge dorky loser who loves X-Men. That's right. I can't wait to go out tommorrow night, especially for le supper at Mexi's because I have only ever eaten there once before in my life. AND I get paid, so I get to go shopppiinnnggg for a smexy bar outfit. And by sexy outfit I mean a new pair of capris, a couple new t-shirts and a new pair of sandals because I need new clothes since I got fat at school. Stupid fucking caf food. I have an unholy addiction to James Blunt, and that Dixie Chicks song. Also, my two newest favorite sayings are bitch lover and bastard love child. That is all.

comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment

May 19th, 2006

Current Music: The Tide- The Spill Canvas Current Location: My Basement Subject: So Dark, the Con of Man Time: 08:58 pm Current Mood: curious

I bought the Da Vinci Code, and now I am reading it. Ooer. I have chucks. They are my babies. I'm like the crazy chuck-lady. Or something. Or not.

comments: Leave a comment

April 27th, 2006

Current Music: Jack's Mannequin- Bruise Current Location: M-Dot..doobie dop bah doo bop Subject: La. La .. LAAA UPDAAATTEEE Time: 01:39 pm Current Mood: curious

So as I went for my run today, I swear that Cody Hartley was sitting in the backseat of truck next to the park down by my house.. at 9:30 in the morning... weird. Fraser or John asked me the other day when I quit smoking.. I asked him when did I start? I have to go to work in an hour and a half. Blergh. "The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made." - George Burns

comments: Leave a comment

April 18th, 2006

Current Music: NOFX Current Location: Vanier Hall Subject: Who you gonna call? GHOST-BUSTERS!!! Time: 09:54 pm Current Mood: complacent

I have come to the conclusion that hanging out with me is bad luck for my friends, and costs them unforeseen amounts of cash. Poor A-Pro and Linds, surely they wouldn't have gotten speeding tickets or quiet hour violations (respectively) if I hadn't been there...My poor, poor friends. Sucks to be them! So I'm back in the Fred-town, to do my two final exams tommorrow. Fun? I think not. Linds and Becks are both leaving tommorrow, and everyone else is pretty much gone. What a shit-hole this is gonna be for tommorrow nite. Ah well, I'm so close to being done it's ridiculous, and I absolutely cannot WAIT. Back to the Moncdot for a summer filled with crazy shennaigans and hi-jinks, especially once I hit 19.. Drunken orgies? I think YES! And I have finally sold my soul to the highest bidder; they paid me a paper-clip and gave me a job in Hell, aka BBM Canada. So now I get to spend all my nights annoying the fuck out of people. What a life I'm going to lead! At least the money is good... This is the end. but not the END. DUM DA DUMMMM

comments: Leave a comment

April 2nd, 2006

Current Music: Your Mom Current Location: Vanier Hall, St. Thomas University Time: 05:36 pm Current Mood: content

So clearly I haven't updated in forever since I most obviously have had way too many exciting things to do to bother.  Or at least that's what I tell myself. Days here in Vanier are slowly but surely drawing to an end.. an end that is bittersweet for sure. It's odd to think that just as I have gotten used to this change of Dorm Life, I now have to return back to Moncdot and adjust to change again. I'll miss the girls with whom I've spent the last 7 months of my life, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with. Ah, but c'est la vie.  Here's to the end of the year, bitches. ( Follow the yellow brick road... ) Oh, Vanier... I couldn't get any of the fiesta pics up and that saddens me, but ah well.  Only 3 sleeps until home and rest and relaxation.. BAM! I so win.

comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment

March 17th, 2006

Current Music: Skinhead on the MBTA- Dropkick Murphy's Subject: He never returned, no he never returned, and his fate is still unknown OI OI OI Time: 02:44 pm Current Mood: bouncy

Happy green-beer Irish drunk-fest to all!! I've discovered that Tom Cruise is a dick. He was able to get the South Park episode making fun of Scientology pulled off Comedy Central the other night. Not that I watch South Park or anything; I just think its fucking ridiculous. Oh, it's ok for them to make fun of Jeebus and Muhammed and all that shit, but not a ridiculous fad that is based on self-help and fucking aliens that Ron Hubbard turned into a religion for tax purposes? Christ. Get a life. In other news, my darling Becks got engaged!! While it sounds a little over the top for 19 year olds, theres no wedding until her and Marc both graduate. But its still exciting, and looking at wedding magazines make for some extreme entertainment. Nothing worth mentioning happened on the March Break, besides getting to see Jess and Jenn which was actually the highlight of my week. And buying a hot pot. Which is uber-exciting for any university student. House Committee elections are next Friday, and I'm so scared. I have to spend the weekend making posters and putting them up, as well as write a speech for Thursday AND get an 8-page paper done on Islam for the same day. Plus, I just had to send my fucking printer away to Ontario because it is a cock-sucking fuckmook and it needs to DIE. And I found out my driving course is not going to cost 629$; rather, they neglected to tell me there was tax, so it is now about 750$. There goes my life. But I may possibly have a job at Bentley's when I go back, so hopefully I'll have my license by the end of June. Anyhoos, I'm done classes in two and a half weeks. That's it. Almost there. And I'm not dead yet, though this week may kill me. I can't wait to come home. I've already decided what I'm doing for my birthday, because I am pathetic. I think there'll be dinner at Jungle Jim's or East Side or something, so all you under-agers can break the law and get drinks with your food, and then me and hopefully Shawnass and Erni will go out to zee clubs. Because those are my only friends who will be 19 that aren't going to be in Fredericton or Truro. That is the end. That's it. No more.

comments: Leave a comment